For lack of...

I feel like I'm slowly checking out of school. I need to find a new motivation to keep myself going. There's still a good amount left in the quarter yet I can't even get myself to go to my core classes.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? What if what I'm doing is not what i'm meant to be in life or the steps I should be taking aren't on the path that I'm on right now? It blows my mind. People always say that if you're meant to do something, you're going to FEEL that it is right.

I overthink everything to the EXTREME.

I say all this as I am sitting in the middle of statistics class.

Yesterday, my roommate decided to google "depression" and then proceeded to look up palm readings.  Most of the time those kind of things are just some comments someone sitting behind a computer screen made up and it's all psychological if you believe that nonsense. But, it's always crazy when I hear things like that and they actually apply to my life, especially those depression symptoms. How does a doctor actually know someone has depression? I was told that you just go into the doctors, fill out some surveys, answer some questions, and boom! You have a bottle of zoloft in your hands. But, people also say that if you're depressed and you tell people about it, then it is just for talk.

I hate being in a stage where I'm going through all this crap but I can't sort my thoughts and or even figure out the next step to take. I just don't know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed out but I don't think I'd be able to say why if someone decided to ask.

So, what am I supposed to do now?

Oh and by the way, seeing you today made me cringe a little bit. I wish things didn't have to be so awkward between us.




Quadruple sigh.