4:57 AM

I just have so many thoughts flowing through my head and it's making me uncomfortable trying to fall asleep right now. So I figure... let my thoughts out and I can sleep.

The topic that's fresh on my mind is how cruel and corrupt our world is. It blows my mind the desire and audacity that some people may have to make another's life a miserable. If we all just worried about our own lives instead of trying to meddle into someone else's life, this world might just be a better place. Everyone wastes all this time talking shit, on a social media, complaining, destruction, but how does that benefit anyone in this world? I understand that people have been put into this world for a reason. Can it be possible that many individuals have lost sight in their reason or rather have never even tried to find their reason?

I have also come to a.... for lack of a better word.... landmark... realization today. I've realized that as much as you may think you like someone, in order for something to work (and I don't just mean currently, I mean successfully and something worthwhile)... it has to be the right time for both ends of the totem pole. Time is probably one of the biggest implicit factors that go into a steady relationship. And surprisingly enough, time is underrated. Time is actually something extremely powerful. More powerful than most can imagine. So, there's no doubt as to why people push too hard for something they think will disappear if they don't act fast. I like you, a lot. But, not once have I thought about whether or not now would even be a good time in my life for you to like me back. Feelings for someone are out of our control, but actions toward those feelings are a whole other story.

Society teaches us such contradictory life lessons. One moment it's telling us that "good things will come to those who wait" and another moment it tells you to "live in the now" But how are we supposed to know which way is the right way to go? I just don't think people realize what they're actually telling you. People give advice from past experiences and can only tell you what you should do if they've been in the situation before. But, rarely do you see someone playing the devils advocate.

I just don't understand how I could have become so passionate about something I know so little about. Not once have you given me confirmation of your thoughts and feelings toward me and yet I still have this desire to get to know you. I really doubt that you are oblivious to the point where you don't notice how I feel, so please explain to me why you're allowing me to linger like this. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like to linger. But when it comes to you, I feel like I'll be lingering for the rest of my life.

Another thing society failed to put a clear description of is time in regards to your journey in life. People say things like YOLO and put an emphasis on how young we are and how we need enjoy life while we can. There's also a side that says that life is short and we need to act fast. I have failed to grasp where those two completely different outlooks will be able to go hand-in-hand. I guess I'm just over-analyzing things, but I just wish there was an easy way to clear the thoughts that I have about you in my head, every second of every day. I'm a hopeless romantic, I tell ya.

It just sucks when you've been waiting for something for so long and start to second guess your choices. Recently, I've had a friend who, probably accidentally, made it known to me how long I've actually been waiting for a certain someone to open their eyes and even give me the time of day. Phrases like "Man. I don't know how you've been doing it for so long" were used and reiterated countless times. I don't choose for things to be this way. Since when does forcing something to happen actually work out in someone's favor? Cause if that's the case, I've been doing it wrong all these years. It was just a big emphasis on my current status that I didn't want to be reminded of. Not saying I'm miserable and depressed because of it, but no one can stop me from dreaming.

Although, a lot of people have tried. HONESTY HOUR.... I feel like my roommate and I have reached a whole new level of "close" this year. I thought we were able to open up to each other before, but damn have we set the bar high now. I've never seen roommates like us and I don't think roommates could actually have the friendship we have built. It's funny cause we both have these little nit-picky things about each other and people like to twist and turn those things in attempt to see what that does to our friendship. Little does the rest of the world know, our friendship is so strong that we actually CONFRONT and TALK to each other about the things people try to tell us we say about each other. Well, I'll be damned... You mean to say confrontation about a situation and openly discussing a situation like mature adults actually work? HELL TO THE FRICKIN YEA. Everyone is just too caught up in the mix of the drama they're creating to realize that it really doesn't have to be that way. I just realized how much older I'm getting and different things I'm starting to realize about life have made me grow as a person but everyone around me either wants to stay in college forever is just dumb shit.

It just baffles me that there are people in this world that don't take a look at their own actions but are the first to point out the faults in others. Now, kids, this is what we call hypocritical, two-faced bitches. The number of times I've bit my tongue just so I could save face with my closest friends even surprises me when I think about it. I just don't understand why people get so worked up on such little things when they could be looking at the big picture. Little do you know, I am doing all these little things just so that you could be happy but you're too focused on some little thing I said under my breath a good 4928818191 hours ago. Appreciate what you have, honey, because before you know it it's going to be gone.

You know those best friends that you have that you think are the people that are closest to you in life? Yeah. And you know that moment when they get a significant other and all of a sudden the switch was flipped? Everything's completely different and we just all have to adhere to what's happening, no questions asked? Yup. I know that situation very well. I wish I could tell you how much you've changed. Or, possibly, how much you have showed me now which I knew nothing about before. You are so different to the point where I don't really want to be around you that much. The things that come out of your mouth.... Do you really not realize how much you could actually be hurting someone? And what makes you think that because I'm that much closer to you, you can suddenly be extra hurtful toward me. It's that feeling when you know you're starting to lose a friend and you can't really do anything about it. Trust no one but yourself. Cause in the end, you're going to exit this world just like you entered it: alone.

Insomnia and procrastination at it's finest.